why you don’t really want to awaken by miriam louisa

why you don’t really want to awaken
Posted originally on February 18, 2012 by miriam louisa


Waking up can be
much more painful
than the agony
of your dream,
but waking up is real.

~ John de Ruiter

John de Ruiter, J Krishnamurti and UG Krishnamurti are alike in seeing clearly that the courage needed to turn to ‘look one’s self in the eye,’ to face the void or the faceless is far more than most of us possess. This is why we invent esoteric worlds of power, magic, the paranormal, and fantasize about what we think ‘awakening’ might be – or endlessly read or listen to the versions put forth by those ‘in the know’ – rather than truly facing its shattering nature. UG’s words are uncompromising:

This state is not in your interest.
You are only interested in continuity,
probably on a different level,
and to function in a different dimension,
but you want to continue somehow.

You wouldn’t touch this with a barge pole.
This is going to liquidate what you call ‘you’,
all of you – higher self, lower self,
soul, Atman, conscious, subconscious – all of that.
You come to a point, and then you say “I need time.”

So Sadhana (inquiry and religious endeavor)
comes into the picture and you say to yourself
“Tomorrow I will understand.”
This structure is born of time and functions in time,
but does not come to an end through time.

If you don’t understand now,
you are not going to understand tomorrow.

What you are looking for does not exist.
You would rather tread an enchanted ground
with beatific visions of a radical transformation
of that non-existent self of yours
into a state of being which is conjured up
by some bewitching phrases.

That takes you away from your natural state
– it is a movement away from yourself.

To be yourself requires extraordinary intelligence.

You are ‘blessed’ with that intelligence;
nobody need give it to you,
nobody can take it away from you.

He who lets that express itself in its own way is a natural man.


It’s almost a decade since she-who-scribbles tumbled into the free-fall that would bring to an end her notions of who she was and the nature of self, mind, and world. Re-reading UG’s words today, especially the line “You are ‘blessed’ with that intelligence;” brought on an outpouring of gratitude. Who’d have thought that the estrangement and agony, the confusion and the sheer vertigo of dropping out of every version of a self would eventually be known as a blessing, a grace beyond words? But words are all she has, so the song goes like this:

the blessing

emelle says

I found the unassailable
rock of refuge

I found the treasure
that can’t be bought or sold

exhausted and ill
I found healing
in that which is ever whole

I found delight
in every uninvited chore

I found my tribe:
the wild wideawake
whose only muse
is this nameless name
and whose only beacon
is this unlit light


Thanks to Miriam Louisa, author of this unlit light, found here: http://thisunlitlight.com/2012/02/18/why-you-dont-really-want-to-awaken/

The sun photo is from here: aronbengilad.blogspot.com 2012-5-21 15:27:11

About dominic724

A former seeker starts blogging.
This entry was posted in Guest Post, No self and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to why you don’t really want to awaken by miriam louisa

  1. Nice post by Miriam, who has a nice blog. Thanks also for highlighting U.G. Some find him a little harsh, but he has moments of extreme clarity, such as this, that I love.

  2. I think the sitting and doing nothing is hard for most people, we’re so conditioned to always be productive, be busy, and if you’re not pretend you are,

    • dominic724 says:

      Yes. The conditioned products of a left brain dominated linear view of a world, in all of us. And yet, in almost every culture, in almost every period of history, there are those who are driven to the silence. Am understanding more that this is not really a choice, more like silence expressed as us recognizing itself. Sorry if you’ve heard this one, all the metaphors have been used again and again. People who aren’t called to do sitting in silence, well, maybe sitting meditation is not for them. I might ask them when they feel most alive? And when are they most relaxed ? Those might be valid clues for their lives if sitting is too much/too hard/doesn’t feel natural.

  3. Oh this hits it dead center! “… but waking up is real.” The ride here has been tumultuous at best. And of course there was no idea at all what was going to happen when it first began. All beyond worth it; it’s simply all there is. Thank you dominic… such a good description of what ‘happens’ with true, deep awakening.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s