The day I received the diagnosis from the biopsy: malignant.
Right there metaphorically appeared a crossroad ahead.
One direction led to conventional chemotherapy. And the sickness that comes from the toxic effects of chemotherapy.
Another direction led to early death through taking only palliative actions: I might expect maybe 5 years, on average, although some people live longer, others less. No way to know which group I would be fall into. And I would be increasingly weaker and skinnier from the symptoms of the cancer.
A third path led to the most unknown of the three ways; the murky realm of alternative treatments, whatever they turned out to be.
No direction appeared to beckon.
Time to sit with this.
Then back to the first questions.
What is life? Why do I value it ? If I am to struggle to keep it, I must know why I want to stay here. Everyone dies, maybe this is my turn. That’s OK. But if I am to rage against the dying of the light, then I must be clear on motivation. So what do I value about the life I have?
This reexamination took a while, am not sure anymore how long.
At the end of it, I knew which way to go.
First photo from here.
Second photo from here.