A sudden shortage of personnel struck another group in the large agency I work for.
The shortage occurred in a technical specialty of mine.
Management asked me and another specialist to transfer temporarily
and fill the breach for an undefined period.
The work was pleasant, the conditions comfortable, pay identical.
An unrecognized feeling of unease shadowed my time there, increasing incrementally with each passing day.
No thought seen in mind accompanied the unease –
nothing so clear and conscious as that.
Something chewed away under the mud.
The unease manifested in a blatant demand to management at the end of one meeting regarding when our easy assignment would end.
No answer came.
Questions from colleagues came, instead.
” Don’t you like working on the X files again ?
Isn’t it great to have this cushy assignment down here ?
Why didn’t they ask me ?”
And so on.
Exasperated, the unconscious story finally bubbled up
to the surface: the feeling of “abandoning my colleagues”
during a challenging period, and accepting a plum assignment instead.
The story of
“It’s not fair./
I don’t deserve it./
I am letting others down.”
Pure fiction, based in possession, doership, identity,
even a story of worth! Thought stories galore.
Garden variety balderdash, all of it, yet there it was.
Somehow, the feeling of unease grew from an unnoticed thought in this carefully examined mind.
The feeling became noticeable but the thought that initiated the feeling stayed unconscious.
Once the feeling came to light the thought was available to be inferred.
Every time it looks like am passed this kind of unconscious phenomena, another unconscious story comes to light.
I used to imagine that disgorging unconscious material ended at some point.
Now, am starting to wonder if anything ever ends when it comes to the mind.
* * ** *** ***** ******** *************
The first photo comes from: http://i.space.com/images/i/000/029/710/i02/csa-tour-lobby-01.jpg
The X file graphic came from Deviant Art : http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs27/i/2008/036/3/0/The_X_Files_TV_Shows_Folder_by_halilgokdal.jpg