A Guilty Story

Lakshmi would not speak it aloud.
She wouldn’t tell me what happened,
not over the phone.

A few minutes later she was sitting on the stoop,
still reluctant,
full of guilt,
needing a gentle coax to get it out.

Her actions had created such grave harm [she feared]
it had wiped out all the good karma[at least of one kind]
from this entire life !

The awful tale told, she burst into tears,
big drops spilling from her warm brown eyes
as she sobbed convulsively.


S., her husband Immanuel, and little son Albert sat together with her, just inches away.

Hugging her like she were my daughter
I felt a sweetness of compassion arise,
out of a broad background of impersonal well-wishing
that has no direction,
no fixed object,
and that never leaves.

A story-line operates,
enthusiastically spreading blame, guilt,
and misery in the mind
where only Thusness
ever shines.

No one meant any harm.
No one keeps score.
No one committed any crime.
No one trespassed anywhere.

A simple misunderstanding –
a moment of misinformation,
a minor error occurred
which will right itself,
by itself,
with no harm
to anyone.

But it was her fault, after all.
How could she be forgiven ?
How could she forgive herself ?
After all, she should have known.

bubbling up
from the heart center
stayed concealed
for a while
no wish
to make anything seem worse.

This too, was not up to anyone
and laughter expressed
as the gravitas horribilis revealed itself
in all its triviality,
all its innocuous innocence,
all its inflated, buffoonish drama.

Immanuel once noted that life is either struggle or surrender;
the rest is academic.

Sometimes forgiveness feels more like a struggle
than a surrendering to the Truth of what is.

No one knows anything until she knows it.

Knowledge remains terminally incomplete,
contingent, perpetually pending revision.

Lakshmi forgave herself.

I could not find it anywhere to condemn her
no matter what she had done.

Personal and impersonal, love was here.
Forgiveness unneeded,
nothing to let go of.

No condemning story to see through and dissolve.


************* ******** ***** *** ** * *

Photo of the Earth is from here: http://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/imgcat/hires/g11_s66_54560.gif

The eye is from here: http://mingle2.com/topic/show/156900?page=5


About dominic724

A former seeker starts blogging.
This entry was posted in Human Experience and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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